• Mary Elizabeth Sieg-Weeks

Life After Domestic Abuse

Wow, it's hard to believe it has been 23 years since I have left the toxic relationship with my ex husband. I remember the meeting with my lawyer as he was asking me questions about my marriage when he told me that I was indeed leaving an abusive relationship. " He never once laid a hand on me. He had on more than one occasion hit the wall less than a foot from my head." I was lucky to get out before the physical abuse started.

The emotional and verbal abuse are scars I am still dealing with 23 years later. Who knew by starting this little blog thing that I would tear open all these old wounds. I let a man tell me my worth. I believed him when he said I would never be good enough. He wasn't the first though.

The almost teenage boy that raped me when he was babysitting me showed me at the age of six what men really wanted. The man that sexually abused me as a teenager showed me that men were not to be trusted. The older, cooler man, the marine that I dated at 18 made me promises he knew he would never keep but so did my ex husband.

Luckily, before that marine, I met a boy. A boy who had parents who taught him right. A boy who could have saved me from a lot of the heartache I faced in my life. Unfortunately, I became smitten with the charms of the marine and broke up with the nice, safe boy. Today, that boy is my husband. We have been back together for almost twenty years now and married for almost seventeen.

Even though I have been in a healthy relationship for almost twenty years the effects of not dealing with my trauma in a healthy way have had lasting changes to my mental health. I have developed social anxiety due to losing some great friends during my divorce. I create situations that are not there. My mind and my scars want me to believe the worst. It is a constant battle to ditch the negative and enjoy the positive.

My husband and I have a healthy relationship. It is not perfect but it is perfect for us. It is not easy. When he  has his low points I lift him up and he lifts me when I am down. Life is a constant battle. I don't win every day but I win most and I say keep the battles coming; I am thankful for another day to make life beautiful.

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